CHAPTER FOUR

HOW IT WORKS

If what you want what we have to offer, and are willing to make the effort to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps. These are suggested only, but they are the principles that made our recovering possible.

1.We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had 

    become unmanageable.

2.We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us

    to sanity.

3.We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God

    as we understood Him

4.We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5.We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact

     nature of our wrongs.

6.We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7.We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8.We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make 

    amends to them all.

9.We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so

    would injure them or others.

10.    We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly

    admitted it.

11.    We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with

    God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and

    the power to carry that out.

12.    Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of those steps, we tried to

    carry this message to addicts and to practice these principles in all our   

    affairs.

This sounds like a big order, and we can't do it all at once, we didn't become addicted in one day, so remember EASY DOES IT.  There is one thing more than anything else that will defeat us in our recovery, this an attitude of indifference or intolerance toward spiritual principles. Although there are no musts in N.A., there are three things that seem indispensable. These are Honesty, Open mindedness, and Willingness to try. With these we are well on our way.

We feel that our approach to the problem of addiction is completely realistic, for the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel. We feel that our way is practical, for one addict can best understand and help another addict. We believe that the sooner we face our problems within our society, in everyday living, just that much faster do we become acceptable responsible, and productive members of that society.  The only way to keep from getting or continuing a habit is not to take that first fix, pill or drink. If you are like us you know that one is too many and a thousand never enough. We put great emphasis on this for we know that when we use drugs in any form, or substitute one for another, we release our addiction all over again or create a new one.  The substitution of alcohol has caused a great many addicts to form a new addiction pattern, which in its progression brings as many problems as before. We seem to forget that alcohol is one of the oldest known drugs. It would appear that we are people with addictive personalities who are strongly susceptible to alcoholic addiction.

Are we sure we want to stop using? Do we understand and believe that we have no real control over drugs? Do we recognize that in the long run, we don't use drugsthey use us? Do we fully accept the fact that our every attempt to stop using or control our using failed? Do we know that drugs have the power to change us into liars, thieves, and schemers? Do we know in our guts, that as successful drug users, we have failed? We admit to ourselves that every time we hurt someone, we were loaded, or trying to get loaded.

When we came to N.A., we were physically mentally and spiritually bankrupt.  We hurt long enough and badly enough the we were willing to go to any lengths to stay clean. To live by the example of those who had faced our dilemma, and had found a way out, seemed to be our only hope.  When we first came into the Fellowship of N.A., we were often resentful at the suggestions some of the members made to us. Regardless of who we are, where we have come from, or what we have done, we are accepted in N.A.  Our addiction gives us all a common ground for understanding one another.

When we were using, reality became so painful that oblivion was preferable.  We had to keep other people from knowing about our pain. We isolated ourselves, and lived in prisons built out of our own loneliness.  Through this desperation, we sought out Narcotics Anonymous.  After attending a few meetings, we began to feel like we finally belonged somewhere. It was in these meetings that we were first introduced to the Twelve Steps of N.A. We work them in the order they were written, and we use them on a daily basis. They are our-solutions. They have become our survival kit, for addiction is a deadly disease. Our Steps are suggested only, but they are the principles that make our recovering possible.

STEP ONE: We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.

The bottom line of Narcotics Anonymous is staying clean. We realize that we cannot use drugs and live. When we admit our powerlessness and inability to manage our own lives, we open the door to a power greater than ourselves.

We have an incurable, progressive, terminal disease called addiction. It doesn't matter whether we just take a few pills, fix eight times a day, suck on a pipe, drink bottles of cough remedy behind drug stores or have one tranquilizer with our first martini each daywe have certain things in common, no matter to what degree or what kind of addict we are.  When we hit bottom, we were searching for an answer-looking for a way out.  We reached out and there was an answer. Until we took Step One, we were full of reservations. We felt different. Upon working Step One, we affirmed our surrender to the principles of N.A., and only then did we overcome the alienation of being a drug addict. We became a part of society.  Where is help? How did we get it? What was it? We went to a meeting of Narcotics Anonymous. We are inclined to be skeptical. We needed proof. In that N.A. meeting was our proof. There we found people like ourselves with the same, or worse, patterns of drug dependency and failure,yet they were clean. They smiled. Their eyes were clear. They cared for each other. They introduced themselves to the newcomer and made them feel welcome. During the meeting, we heard a little bit about ourselves. We understood and believed that we had no real control over drugs. We accepted the fact that every attempt we had made to control our using had failed. We knew in our hearts that drugs have the power to change us into something we didn't want to be, and we of all people had surely had enough of self-destruction. We wanted first to learn, then to do the things that would help us become self-affirming people.

We had to take, Step One. We had to admit that we are powerless and we had to continue going to meetings to hear other addicts talk about this powerlessness. Do we understand and believe that we have no real, long term control over drugs? Do we fully accept the fact that every attempt on our part to taper off, or stop using, or to control our using had failed? Do we know in our hearts that drugs have the power to change us into something that we don't want to be: liars, thieves, schemers?  Step One means that we don't have to make excuses for the way we are, and that is a great freedom. Surrender means not having to fight anymore.  It took a while, for some of us, to realize how unmanageable our lives had become; for others, this was about the only thing of which we could be sure. In a way, we were like gamblers, and we didn't like the odds against us. This is the way we recover when we hit bottom; it's like the slide has stopped. With the admission of complete defeat, we stopped it right there.

After struggling through the daily burden with the monkey on our backs, we reached despair. When we were beaten, we became willing. The pain of working the program did not seem as great as the pain of addiction, so we surrendered. The hole in our gut was filled with a new understanding of our place in the world and love for others. As we got clean and worked this Step, we were released from our chains. We are now free people. None of the Steps work by magic. We do not just say the words of the Steps; we live them.

Some of us found getting clean a battle. The program is simple. No one ever said it was easy. Recovery is a contact process. We don't have to hug each other but it helps. We read this book and attend N.A. meetings. We see for ourselves if the Fellowship has something to offer us. It is not where we are that counts, but where we are going!  None of us stumbled into this Fellowship brimming with love, honesty or open-minded willingness. We have all reached the point where it seemed we could not longer continue because of intense pain: physical, mental and spiritual. However, life was not unbearable; it only seemed unbearable because of our old familiar ways and our thinking. We found that we had no choice but to change, or go back to using. All that was required was willingness. When we gave it our best go, it worked for us as it has worked for others. When we could stand our old ways no longer, we began to change. All that was required is that we try. Only under attack by severe and unyielding pain did the walls begin to crumble.  We began to see where we had rationalized the most errant sort of nonsense in order to justify the mess we had made of our lives. We could admit that we were truly powerless over our addiction and that our lives were unmanageable. We could admit complete defeat, and the help came.  This was a great paradox for uswe who were so proud of our self-sufficiency and will power. But life had brought us little happiness.  We had used our will power a lot. The more we exerted our will, the worse things got. Often, when things got really bad, we had said, "This time, I have got to get my act together. "By Sheer will power we had gotten clean, temporarily. When we began to see that will power alone wasn't going to pull us through anymore, we tried countless other remedies, counselors, psychiatrists, hospitals, lovers, new towns, new jobseverything we tried, failed.

We quit for a day, a week or a month perhaps, but sooner or later we took that first pill, fix, drink or toke and we were gone againworse than ever.  None of our best efforts got us anywhere in the long run. Our unaided will was not enough.

We had nothing left to lose. We gave upquit struggling, surrendered, completely and unconditionally. Then and only then did we begin to recover from the disease of addiction. Recovery begins with the first admission of powerlessness. From that point forward, we can see that every clean day is a successful day, and that any seeming failure is only a temporary setback.

We quit fighting. We accept our addiction and life the way it is. We became willing to do whatever was necessary to stay clean, even those things we didn't like doing. We had been beaten by our addictions, and left miserable and desperate. We were addicts. Drugs would no longer do for us what they had once done.

We had been beaten into a corner by our own actions, and we were in the grip of an overwhelming addiction. We had found hope. We began to see that the Steps of the program would be our source of strength and that the obsession for drugs will eventually disappear. We saw that we could learn to function in the world we live in, that we, too could find meaning and purpose in life, and that we could be rescued from insanity, depravity and death.

STEP TWO: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

We have a disease: progressive, incurable and terminal. The most amazing single fact about the disease is that we went out and bought it on the time plan! That is insane. Think about thatyou, me, everyone we meet in N.A.; the junkie snatching purses on the street, and the sweet ladies hitting two or three doctors for their perfectly legal prescriptions. All of us have this one thing in commonwe buy the disease that kills us And, one way or another, we usually pay for it, a bag at a time, a few pills at a time, or a bottle at a time until we die. That is at least part of the insanity of addiction. The price may seem higher for the girl who prostitutes herself for her fix than it is for the woman who merely lies to her doctor; but ultimately, both pay with their lives. Ask yourself this question: Do I believe it would be insane to walk up to someone and say, "Would you please sell me my own deathon the time plan?" or "May I please have a heart attack or a fatal accident?" If you can agree that this would be an insane thing comparable to giving yourself an injection of deadly poison, only slower, you should have no trouble with the Second Step.  The Second Step is the most important thing that must happen for us to achieve any sort of ongoing recovery. The First Step leaves us where we need to come to believe in something that can help us with our powerlessness and sense of helplessness. Belief became the most important thing for us to work on. We have some type of belief and unless we examine it and seek to improve it, it may be insufficient to give, us recovery. Certainly our belief didn't help us with our active addiction. We now have a workable idea of a Higher Power.

You may be one of us who says, "I need help with my drug problem and I can see that N.A. has that alright, but the Second Step says this Power greater than ourselves will restore us to sanity and I'm not crazy. I just can't handle drugs." Many of us started out with that attitude. Our first instinct is to say "no way." But when we approach it with an open mind, and talk and listen to others, we begin to see evidence of some power that cannot be fully explained. Confronted with this, most of us will at least admit to the possibility of a greater power. Eventually, we will come to some kind of personal understanding we can use.  Belief is the beginning. It is helpful to stop at this point to review our thinking in this respect. We should not take the chance that our understanding of a Power greater than ourselves is sufficient. The Power can be the group itself or it can follow a religious tradition. The only thing we want to emphasize is that you should feel comfortable with your Higher Power and be able to make the statement that your Power cares about you. If you can accept the fact that a large number of addicts like yourself, have found a way, in the program of Narcotics Anonymous, to live clean, then you only have to believe what you see in order to experience Step Two.  N.A. has many members. This collective Spiritual Power is certainly greater than that of any individual member. What is impossible for one alone is often light work for many, because the many are a greater power than the one alone. You don't have to be religious to accept the idea of a power greater than yourself! Just look around with an open mind and you will see a positive Power all around N.A. You can call it love, or harmony, or peace, or cleanness, or good, or you can call it God. It doesn't matter, and by looking and listening as openly as you can, you find that N.A. has the Power to help addicts.

The Higher Power we use in N.A. is a lot like this: We begin by simply admitting to the possibility of a power greater than ourselves. From the very beginning, we discover that power in our lives and that Power lives in the Fellowship.

We had no trouble admitting that addiction had become a destructive power greater than ourselves. It logically follows that there can also be a constructive power greater than ourselves. When drugs are washed from our bodies through daily abstinence and our minds begin to clear from the effects, a miracle takes place. Many fortunate things occur mysteriously, but there are no accidents. We come to understand that our recoveries are a gift from a Power greater than ourselves. There is a spirit that is gliding all living things. Call it Higher Power or whatever you like. If you choose, call it nothing at all, but find it, and learn to benefit from its power. You will gain a new lifefree from drugs and the pain they have caused. We have begun to see only recently how much a Higher Power has to offer. clean living is only the beginning of a new life. Life without fear is a gift we receive for the price of acceptance.

We gradually begin to find some order in the universe, and accept that "some power" was supplying us with a conscience we had never had before, and was somehow giving us the power to overcome the compulsion to use. It certainly wasn't us, individually. Many of us have come to believe that the forces of life know what our real needs are and will take care of us when undisturbed by self-will.

We learn to keep a watchful eye on our daily H.A.L.T.S. maintenance: We eat when Hungry; we talk with a recovering addict when Angry or Lonely; we rest when Tired; and when we begin to take ourselves Seriously, we get to an N.A. meeting and share. Sanity is having our priorities in order. We don't use drugs; we go to meetings; and through the N.A. program, we learn to rely on God to provide what we need on a daily basis. We have been restored to sanity as far as the obsession to use is concerned. 

The important thing to remember as the urge to use occurs is that just because the mind is asking for drugs, doesn't mean the body is. We are so into denial and over-controlling our emotions that the occasional thought of drugs may be the only way our mind knows to get our attention. The mind signals drugs when the body may actually be asking for vitamins, food, rest or companionship. So. we need daily H.A.L.T.S. maintenance.  Most addicts have strong feelings about their Higher Power and vigorously defend their right to their own understanding of a Higher Power. The strength to move into action comes from our Higher Power.  Asking for help in specific terms usually precedes getting that help. By opening the gates of our hearts, we become ready to receive the help we need. We need to accept this step to start our road to recovery. When our belief has grown to some point of comfort, we are ready for Step Three

STEP THREE: We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him.

As practicing addicts, our will and our lives we're controlled by drugs. Our choices were determined by drugs. We were trapped by our need for connections and cash. Then, when we got the drugs, the search was over for a few hours or maybe a few days. During that time our total being, the mind, body, the soul was dominated by the drug.  For a time it was pleasurable, at least in the early stages of addiction.  Ultimately, the effect began to wear off and then the drug showed its ugly side. often we found that the higher our drugs took us, the lower they brought us. When our nerves were jangling like a fire alarm, we faced two choices. Either we suffered withdrawal, or we took more drugs. For all addicts, the day comes when there is no longer a choice. We must have more drugs. Whether we are under the influence or not, our will, our lives and every single action is directly controlled by drugs.  Obviously, our way did not work. In utter desperation, we looked for another way. In Narcotics Anonymous, we are told that we can turn our will and our lives over to the care of a God of our own understanding. This is a giant step, anyone can take it. We don't have to be religious. All that is required is a willingness to believe. We had to be willing to do anything to get that next fix. What have we got to lose?

We have only to believe what we see with our own eyes in the transformed lives of other N.A. members. That's all it takesan open mind. If the word God bothers you, as it did many of us in the beginning, substitute Recovery, Good, Love, N.A., Peace or anything positive, just so you mean it.  None of these steps of N.A. work by magic. They work when they are lived.  The Steps of N.A. are easier to live by than the law of the needle, bottle, pill or joint. If you want to stay clean and are willing to do a few simple things and are honest with yourself, we guarantee that you can recover.

We found that all we needed to do was try. When we gave our best effort to the program, it worked for us as it has worked for countless others.  The Third Step does not say "We turned our will and our lives over to the care of God." It says, "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood Him." We made the decision; it was not made for us by the drugs, our families, a probation officer, judge, therapist or doctor. We did. For the first time since that first high, we have made a decision for ourselves. If you understand God to be simply whatever keeps the rest of us clean, that's fine. Ask that Power to take care of you as it takes care of useven if it makes you feel stupid! Go off by yourself and say silently, "God, I've made a mess of my life. I can't solve my problems and I ask you to take care of me and show me how to live."

When you honestly try, it will work. Many of us start our day with that prayer or a similar plea: "Thy will be done." The release by letting go and letting God helps us develop what works here and now. We can experience this release daily by using the N.A. program.

In the Third Step, we simply recognize that there is a force for good in the world and we cooperate with that force. We let good things happen to us. Every action we took in regard to drugs was an effort to get comfortable. It did not work, or we wouldn't be where we are today. When we turn to the God of our own understanding for care and direction and guidance, we learn the real meaning of comfort.  If we have come this far in the N.A. program, we have already noticed some change in our lives. However, the change may not be as fast nor as dramatic as we wish. We turned to drugs because we are people who demand instant gratification and drugs gave us that instant satisfaction. We are impatient people. It is one of life's great problems for us. Just because we stop taking drugs, the problem doesn't immediately go away. 

We find that we will continue to have living problems. There are bills to be paid. We still have to function in society. Most of us still have families. We still have many of the same fears, doubts and insecurities. In fact, because we are now facing life without anesthesia, these problems appear to be more difficult and painful than ever. Do not lose heart. At these times in our recovery, the Third Step is our greatest source of strength and courage. We are no longer bogged down by addiction. We have surrendered our will and our lives to the care of a power greater than ourselves. We are now a part of the Ultimate Reality which has brought Order out of Chaos. We are no longer fighting fear, anger, guilt, remorse, self-pity, anxiety, depression and a thousand other ills.  Day by day, we discover the magnitude of the Third Step. This is the Step where we come into contact with sanity we are promised in Step Two.  Reliance on a spiritual way of life is now possible for us. Our addiction is no longer a roadblock to God consciousness. We are slowly beginning to lose those paralyzing feelings of hopelessness. We who have lived in darkness and horror for so long begin to walk freely in the sunlight of reality.

We find that our mood-swings are less dramatic. We have natural highs followed by occasional lows. We are beginning to gain balance and harmony. We have learned to stop fighting and are learning to live. The only price is to quit fighting, surrender quietly and let the God of our own understanding take care of us.

We have come to enjoy clean living and want more of the good things that the N.A. Fellowship holds for us. We know now that we cannot pause in our spiritual program; we want all we can get. We are now ready for our first honest self appraisal, and we begin with Step Four.

STEP FOUR: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 

Step Four helps us see exactly what our problems are and shows us our strengths. Let's face it, when we were using, we weren't very honest with ourselves. We are finally beginning to become honest when we admit our addiction has whipped us and that we need help. It took a long time to get where we could admit we were beaten. We are probably not going to recoverphysically, mentally or emotionallyovernight. Step Four is going to help us toward recovery more than we can imagine. Most of us were surprised to 13 find that we had many good points in our inventory. Ask anyone who has some time on the program and who has the kind of life you want for yourself, they will tell you that the Fourth Step was a turning point in their lives.  Some people make the mistake of approaching the Fourth Step as if it were a confession of how horrible they arewhat a bad person they had been.  This is not the purpose of the Fourth Step. We are trying to free ourselves of living in old, useless patterns. We take the Fourth Step to gain the necessary strength and insight to enable us to grow in this new way of life.  A binge of emotional sorrow over real or imagined wrongs will not help us. In fact, it can be quite harmful.

Our purpose is to be rid of guiltnot wallow in it! We must be done with the past, not cling to it. We want to look our past in the face and see it for what it wasand then to release it so that we can live today.  The past, for most of us, has been a ghost in the closet. We have been afraid to open that closet for fear of what that ghost may do to us.  You don't have to do this alone. Your will and your life are now in the hands of the Source of all strengthtap into the Source! Writing a thorough and honest inventory looks impossible to most of us. It isif we are operating under our own "power." Take a few quiet moments before writing and pray for "the power to carry it out."

Don't write the inventory with any particular person in mind. If you do that, you may wind up "slanting" what you write in order to please them.  only time will tell and the Fifth Step will take care of itself. Stay here in the Now-you are on Step Four. We cannot do Step Five until we have completed Step Four.

You may approach the Fourth Step in a number of ways. It is advisable that before you start, go over the first Three Steps with your sponsor. Be comfortable with your understanding of these steps. Allow yourself the privilege of feeling good about what you are doing. Don't be driven as you were so long driven by drugs. We have been trashing about for a long time and have gotten nowhere. Now, we are going to take it easy and not let things frighten us.

With pen and paper, we begin the moral inventory. If the word moral bothers us, we call it a positive/negative inventory, or a good/bad inventory. The way to write an inventory is to write it! Thinking about an inventory, talking about it, theorizing the inventory will not get it written. Sit down with a notebook, pray, pick up your pen and start writing!  All we seek to do is find out which things about ourselves need changing. If we were grocers we would not hesitate to separate the rotten fruit from the good and throw out the rotten fruit. The N.A. program has the Fourth Step with which we examine ourselves.  It is important to remember where we came from so that we don't return. We had to go through what we did to get to where we are now.  A basic rule of thumb is that we can write too little, but we never write too much. The inventory will fit the individual, we simply write until the brain is emptied. Anything we think about is possibly inventory material. We realize how little we have to lose and how much we have to gain. We plunge into this step without reservation.

We remove these thorns in the side by listing them on paper. As recovering addicts we sit down with paper and pen and pray for God's help in revealing the defects that are causing pain and suffering. We pray for the courage to be fearless and thorough so that this inventory may help us put our lives in order. When we pray and take action it always goes better for us.

As using addicts, we lived under a regime of fear. In attaining our new life, we want it free of unreasonable fear. A lot of times we try to look good in front of other people, but deep down inside we are really afraid of who we are and where we came from.

We write down our fears, our resentments and our guilt. We examine in depth our relationships with people, places and situations asking ourselves what we have demanded of these relationships. Often the answers will show that we are placing unreasonable demands on reality. We find that we are demanding other people to stop being who they are.  Most of us have found that we were neither so terrible nor so wonderful as we supposed. Ultimately, we are just human with the same fears, longings and troubles as everyone else. One of the greatest benefits of the N.A. program is discovering that we need never be alone again. Others have felt as we feel. Others have failed where we failed. They are here now in the strength of the Fellowship, ready and eager to help us.  This Fourth Step can be a wonderful adventure, reviewing our past performance and our present behavior to see what we want to keep and what we want to be rid of. This Step has the reputation of being difficult. In reality, it's quite simple.

As recovering addicts, we now have the right to reach for levels of greater comfort and we can reach them, when we get a handle on what we've been doing wrong. If we want to feel good, we have to stop doing the things that make us feel bad. We are not going to be perfect. If we were perfect, we would not be human.  The important thing is that we do our best. We use the tools available to us, and because we do not want to lose any of what we have gained, we will want to continue in the program. It is our experience that no matter how searching and thorough, no inventory is of any lasting effect, unless it is promptly followed by an equally thorough Step Five.

STEP FIVE: We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

After taking a thorough Fourth Step, we have to deal with what we have found in our inventory. We have decided what our defects are, but we still don't know how to deal with them. We are told that if we keep these defects inside us, they could lead us to using again. We have to beware of half-measures on this Step. Holding on to our own "garbage" would eventually sicken us and hold us back from really taking part in this new way of life. If we take a Fifth Step, but we really don't get honest, we will have the same negative results that dishonesty brought us in the past.

Our Higher Power will be with us when we do this, and will help to free       

the fear of facing ourselves and another human being. Many of us, before we

take Step Five, fear that God will turn away from us, when we reveal

ourselves to Him. It seemed unnecessary to some of us to admit the exact

nature of our wrongs to God. "God already knows all that stuff," we

rationalized. True, God does already know all that stuff, but until we face

God with it, we will never really believe that He does. The admission must

come from our own lips to be truly effective for us.

For years, we have avoided seeing ourselves as we really are. We were ashamed of ourselves and felt isolated from the rest of the world. Now, we've got this shameful past trapped on paper. We can sweep it out of our lives, if we face it and admit it. It would be a tragic mistake to have it all written down and then just shove it into a drawer.  We have feared that if we ever revealed ourselves as we really were, we would surely be rejected. Maybe this was because we had already rejected ourselves. We were so self-centered that we didn't realize just how much we had in common with our fellow addicts. Before coming to Narcotics Anonymous, we had felt that no one could ever relate to us or understand the reasons behind the things we had done. We quickly realized that we had been unrealistic in feeling that way. N.A. people did understand us.  We must carefully choose the person who is to hear our Fifth Step. Although there is no hard rule about what kind of person we should choose, it is important that we trust that person. only complete confidence in the Person's integrity and closed mouth can make us willing to be thorough in this Step.

Some of us take our Fifth Step with a total stranger, but most of us feel most comfortable choosing a fellow member of N.A. We know that a fellow addict would be less likely to judge us with malice. People often select clergymen, or members of the medical profession, because these people are accustomed to keeping confidences in their work. Whoever we select, we make certain that they know what we are attempting to do and why we are doing it. We are often amazed at how willing most people are to help us. We never knew that people actually cared enough about us to want to help in our recovery.

Once we make up our minds and are actually alone with the person we have chosen to accept our confidence, we proceed with enthusiasm. We want to be very definite and thorough. We realize that this is a life and death matter. There is a danger that we will exaggerate our wrongs, and an equal danger that we will minimize or rationalize away our part in situations. If we are anything like we were when we first entered the N.A. Fellowship, we will still tend to want to "sound good". This is a luxury we can't afford.  This Step must cut into our character defects and expose our motives and our actions for what they really were. We have no right to expect these things to reveal themselves. It isn't easy, but it is simple. We want to tell the truth, cut and dry, as quickly as possible. We do not procrastinate.

We will never be able to name all of our past mistakes, so we need not expect our first spoken inventory to be perfect. If we choose, we will be continuing the process of self-assessment for the rest of our lives. For now, we will try to get most of the "garbage" out in the first session.  For many years, we have covered up our low self-esteem by hiding behind phony images that we hoped would fool people. Unfortunately, we ended up fooling ourselves more than anyone. Although we often appeared attractive and confident on the outside, we were really hiding a shaky, insecure person on the inside. "One thing you can't hide, is when you're crippled inside." The masks have to go.

Once we had taken this Step, we felt lightened and refreshed. We were finally free to be ourselves, because we were not trying to cover anything up. It was a great relief to be rid of all our secrets, to share the burden of our past guilt. Usually, as we share this Step, the listener will share some of his story too, and we will find out that the things about ourselves that we thought were so awful or different weren't all that unusual. We see, by the acceptance in the eyes of our confident, that we can be forgiven, even loved, just the way we are. Even though our examination of ourselves usually reveals some thing about ourselves that we don't particularly like, facing these things and bringing them out in the open makes it possible for us to deal with them constructively. And, now that they are out of the closet ready to be faced and dealt with, we realize that these things about ourselves can be changed. We cannot make these changes alone. We need our Higher Power's help, and the help of the Narcotics Anonymous Fellowship.

STEP SIX: We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.

Let us go back to the First Step for a minute. Remember that we had to surrender completely to obtain relief. We had to admit we were whipped.  In examining ourselves as honestly as possible it is probable that we have discovered some things about ourselves that we don't like. Perhaps we call them defects. Whatever we call them, we recognize that we must change if we are to-grow. The Sixth Step is the same situation; we can't do it ourselves; but we know that God as we understand Him can do it for us.  Do we really want to be rid of our resentments, our angers, our fears? Do we really understand that they are a deadly poison in the heart of an addict? Many of us cling to our fears, doubts, and self loathing or hatred of others, because there is a certain distorted security in familiar pain.  It seems safer to hold on to the old familiar pain than to let go of it for the unknown. Letting go of character defects should be done with love.  Fear and hate cannot give us new lives. We should approach old defects with patience and understanding, for they have served us well in days past.  They have kept us from situations we couldn't handle before we found the program and a source of power. We should be more grateful that our defects are not more pronounced or of a more harmful nature. When we see how our defects exist in our lives and accept them, we can let go of them and get on with our new life.

We look to the Fellowship for the kind of life we want for ourselves. we ask our friends, "Did you let go?" Without exception the answer is, "Yes, to the best of our ability."

When we are working Step Six, it is important to remember that we are human and should not place great expectations on ourselves. We should be serious when we say "entirely ready to have all these defects removed." This is a step of willingness. That is the spiritual principle of Step Six.  It is as if to say that we are now willing to move along spiritual lines toward a destination we couldn't imagine. Being human we will of course fall short.

We will still get mad and still feel hurt, especially if we are too hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or too serious (H.A.L.T.S.). We are trying to achieve adequacy, not perfection. Adequacy can be achieved, but perfection cannot. We can reach and awaken the force of life within ourselves; it can do anything, even give us a new life. The breakdown of old ideas and old ways seems to be beyond our conscious control. The only control of the situation we seem to have is a choice of acceptance. What areas we change in, how fast we change, and in what order all seem to be predetermined by our very nature. If we accept God's will, we will be able to follow the necessary path to a better life.

Willingness is what we strive for in Step Six. The tools we use to maintain our willingness are practice and prayer. How sincerely we work Step Six will be proportionate to our desire for change. We often feel that we will never be ready to have all our defects removed, but we should remember that the main point is that we are on a journey, and the destination isn't what matters. Willingness to serve God is what we strive for.  Without these defects, life is ever sensational and deeply wonderful. We learn that we are growing when we make new mistakes instead of repeating old ones. Life with these defects may cause perpetual frustration, tension, and relapse.

We decide what our priorities are and envision life free from defects. We recognize our defects and surrender to the simple suggestions that the program offers us. We feel that the Sixth Step is the honest willingness to let go of those shortcomings about ourselves. We become ready to part with the fears and doubts of that other life. We continue to attempt to manage our lives and will need to go back to Step Six to renew or readiness to have our defects removed.

STEP SEVEN: We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

Having decided we want God, as we understood Him, to relieve us of the useless or destructive aspects of our personalities, we have arrived at the Seventh Step.

We have all spent much of our lives being anything but humble. we have been humiliated by many of the things that happened to us while using, but most of us avoided true humility until we worked the First Step. Then again, in the Third Step, we asked God to direct our will and our lives. Now, in the Seventh Step, we humbly ask Him to remove our shortcomings.  The key to this Step is an understanding of the humility. Humility is a part of staying clean, as food and water are to staying alive. As we struggled along in our addiction, we devoted our energy towards satisfying our material needs. We always had to have a satisfaction of our basic desires, such as power and prestige. We never thought of spiritual growth or asking a Higher Power for direction. Drugs were our Higher Power.  We couldn't handle the trials and tribulations of life all by ourselves. It wasn't until we made a real mess of our lives that we realized that we couldn't do it alone. By admitting that we achieved our first glimpse of humility.

If the defects we have discovered are real and we have a chance to be rid of them, we would surely experience a sense of well being when we rid ourselves of them. Some will want to get on their knees for this Step. Some will be very quite or put forth a great mental effort to show intense willingness. The word humble applies because we approach this Power greater than ourselves to ask for the most wondrous gift of the program; the freedom to live without the limitations of our past ways. However we want to handle it, we go all the way. Think of what we have to lose! As soon as we feel ourselves willing, we should go ahead and ask God to remove our shortcomings.

When we were using, our spiritual and emotional growth came to a halt. We did not mature and grow like a normal person. Now that we are clean, there are many situations in our daily lives that are difficult to understand. By practicing the virtue of humility and asking for help, we can get through even the toughest times. "I can't, we can!" It is a sign of growth.  We have to realize that people can give us direction and that our way of thinking is not the only way. We must puncture our egos and realize that we have much more work to do. When someone points out a shortcoming, our first reaction is one of defensiveness. If we truly want to grow, we will take a good look at what is pointed out. We must realize we are not perfect and there are things we must change.

We have noticed that humility plays a big part in this program and our new way of life. We take our inventory; we become ready to let God remove our shortcomings. This is our road to spiritual growth, to change our character, day by day, to gradually, carefully and simply pull ourselves out of the isolation and loneliness of addiction into this mainstream of useful Fellowship. This comes not from wishing, but from action and prayer. The main objective of Step Seven is to get out of ourselves and strive for achieving the will of our Higher Power. Our will didn't work.  If we are careless and fail to grasp the spiritual meaning of this Step, it will seem an unbearable chore, impossible to complete and unlikely to do anything but stir up old troubles. Like all the Steps, the point of this one is freedom. None of these Steps work by magic. They work when they are lived. We are trying to achieve adequacy, not perfection; for perfection is a divine quality.

STEP EIGHT: We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

The last five Steps of Narcotics Anonymous, the Eighth through the Twelfth, are the "get out and live" Steps. Just as the First, Second, and Third Steps give us the necessary tools to begin a clean life, and the Fourth, Fifth, Sixth and Seventh Steps complete the process of self-forgiveness and the beginning of new attitudes. The Eight Step starts the procedure of forgiving other people, being forgiven by them, and learning how to live in the world as a drug-free human being.

The point of the Eighth Step is willingness. Are we willing, if it is possible and practical, to make amends; once, and for all, clear away the shadows of fear that our past holds for us?

The preceding Seven Steps looked pretty rough until we took the plunge and go into them. This one is no different. It seems hard now, but once we've done it, we'll wonder why we didn't do it long ago.  The Eighth Step is not easy; it demands a new kind of honesty about our relations with other people. We had to feel better internally before we could even bear to think about whom we had harmed and how we had harmed them, and exactly what was the way we perceived ourselves.  This Step is a good test of our new found humility, we consult with our sponsors in this matter. Again, as in the Fourth Step, we do not want to become entangled in useless and dangerous self-loathing. Our purpose is to achieve freedom from the guilt we have carried so far, with so much pain, so that we can look the world in the eye with neither aggressiveness nor fear.

We admit we are at fault regardless of what the other person did to arouse our hostility. We admit that we hurt them, directly or indirectly, through some action, some lie, some broken promise, neglect or whatever.  It will not make better persons to judge the faults of another. The thing that will make us better is to clean up our lives by relieving ourselves of guilt. The Eighth Step is a mighty stride away from a lie dominated by guilt and remorse.

We need some real honesty before we can make an accurate list. In preparing to make the Eight Step list, it is helpful to define harm. One definition of harm is physical or mental damage. Another definition is inflicting pain, suffering or loss.

The damage may be caused by something that is said or done, and the harm resulting from these words or actions may be either intentional or unintentional on the part of the person who is inflicting the harm. The degrees of harm can run from making someone feel mentally uncomfortable to inflicting bodily injury or even death.

We make our list, or take it from our Fourth Step and add to it any more people we can think of and we face that list honestly and openly and examine our fault. Are we willing to make amends? In many cases we cannot do it, it is not possible nor practical in some instances. We may not know who it was we wronged. In other instances we might run the risk of involving a third person, some companions of our days of using who do not wish to be exposed. We do not have the right nor do we need, for any moral reason, to endanger that person.

Just about anyone that comes into contact with an active addict risks being harmed. Many members mention their parents, spouses, children, boyfriends, girlfriends, other addicts, casual acquaintances, co-workers, employers, teachers, landlords, and total strangers.  A problem many of us seem to have with the Eighth Step and the admission of the harm we did is the belief we were victims, not victimizers in our addiction. Avoiding this rationalization is crucial to the Eighth Step.  We had to think of disassociating what had been done to us and what we had done. We were forced to cut away all our justifications and all our ideas of being a victim.

The final difficulty in working the Eighth Step is separating it from the Ninth Step. Projecting about the Ninth Step can be a major obstacle both in making the list and in becoming willing. We do not even think about making amends, but just concentrate on exactly what the Eighth Step says which is to make a list and to become willing.

"We try and work this Step as if there were no Ninth Step." The Eighth Step is actually an action Step. And like all the action Steps it offers immediate benefits. "The main thing this Step does for us is to build awareness that, little by little, we are gaining new attitudes about ourselves, and how we deal with other people."

STEP NINE: We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or other. 

We want to get free of our fear, but we don't wish to do so at a price to anyone. It is very important that we take guidance from our sponsors or spiritual advisors in this matter. We recommend turning over our legal problem to lawyers. Professional help is available to help us with our financial and medical problems. Part of learning to live is not to take on problems and responsibilities that we are not equipped to handle. In some cases we may be beyond our means. If it is, we can only proceed with direction.

Timing is essential part of this Step. We should make amends when the opportunity presents itself, as long as to do so will not cause more harm.  When it gets to the point that we cannot hold the hurt any longer, amends will be made.

In some old relationships an unresolved conflict exists. We enter the old conflict and resolve it by making our amends, and step back from future antagonisms and ongoing resentments. In many instances of past wrongs we will need to go somewhere and humbly ask forgiveness. These are the old tapes that would keep playing back as long as we live. Sometimes, this will be a joyous occasion when some old friend or relative proves very willing to let by-gones be by-gones and welcome us back to the land of the living. However, some people are not so willing to let go of their bitterness. We can only make our amends to the best of our ability and they can either accept it or deny it. We feel relieved, instead of feeling knocked down and drained in our lives. Our addiction put a negative attitude about us in others. Step Nine helps us with our guilt and others with their anger.

This Step should not be avoided. If we avoid this Step we are simply reserving a place in our program to get loaded. Pride, fear, and procrastination often seem an impossible barrier and stand in our way of progress and growth through the Ninth Step. The important thing is to take action and be ready to accept the reactions of those persons we have harmed.  We have made amends as best we could.

There are some things we can make direct amends for; some we can only make partial amends for; and some that we remember nothing about.  We can make amends by our actions. They don't always have to be verbal.  Staying clean is also an amend because we're no longer part of the problem. Now we're part of the solution.

When it came to making amends for all the things we did there was a lot to be done. In the progress of our recovery we were restored to sanity and part of sanity is effectively relating to others. We will less often view people as a threat to our security. Real security in our gut and in our recovery will replace the physical ache and mental confusion. We will want to address ourselves to these people with love and patience. Fear of relapse will make many of our most sincere well-wishers reluctant to accept our recovery as real. We must remember the pain they have known. In time, many seeming miracles will occur. Many of us that were separated from our children succeed in re-establishing deep emotional bonds. However, estranged mates can be dangerous to our recovery if they don't learn some of our program. If the relationship is real, it will survive. Reacceptance into the family of our birth, is eventual for most. Clean time speaks for itself. Patience is the great method of the Fellowship. The unconditional love we experience will rejuvenate our will to live and each positive move on our part will be matched by an unexpected opportunity.  The benefit of this Step is to be able to face people we have harmed with a clear conscience. By discovering and admitting our faults, we experience a miracle.

STEP TEN: We continued to take personal inventory, and

when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

We as addicts, suffer from a problem deeper than the drugs we took. Because of this, we must live by spiritual principles. Step Ten and all the Steps are to be applied to every area of our lives.  There is no area of our lives that the disease does not affect. The truth is that fear is present in every area of our lives. So. in our experience, the program can and must be worked continuously in every area of our lives. If this were not so, then the disease could not creep into an unrelated area of our lives and kill us.

Step Ten is a continuation of a fearless and searching look within ourselves in order to repair disorders that fear, pride, jealousy, and other ruinous defects can cause. It helps us avoid the occurrence of relapse due to other areas which we may be reluctant to look. If you take the drugs away from a drug-crazed maniac, you still have a maniac." Since our problems entail much more than using, we cannot recover until we recognize the need for taking a good look at our attitudes and motives.  Now that we are clean, we have recognized the advantage of getting our own house in order.

We can recognize ourselves as the heart of the problem. Negativity has been our way for many years and we are not able to change into complete saints. Any thought that we are going to be perfect has to be smashed. We must remain teachable if we are going to stay clean in this program. The smart ones who argue a lot usually die. The open-minded ones get to live. We do not entertain the thought of ever achieving perfection. However, we must strive for stability in our lives so that we can live happily and be at peace with ourselves.  Step Ten helps us to do this. The process of inventory, the good and the bad about ourselves, is essential. As addicts, we are prone to fear, anger, vanity, complacency, and doing the wrong thing at the wrong time.  Many forms of the disease manifested in self-centeredness, fear, resentment, and so on can drive us into a place that we feel we cannot get out of clean.

Are we doing our best? Are we staying honest? Are we still growing, or are we slipping back into the old fears and resentments? It is the purpose of the Tenth Step to answer these and similar questions. Those defects of character which we found in the Fourth Step are deeply ingrained in us. The thing we do is check for the surfacing of defects early on by working Step Ten daily.

How to take inventory that is effective will depend on the severity of the particular trouble we are having. We look at our actions during the day and we practice the art of looking at where we were wrong, considering what we could have done differently, and the amends we need to make. We find it helpful and humbling to admit to another human being where we were wrong. These are practical applications and theory has no place here. We work it or we will die.

There is the inventory we can pause and make when we run into trouble during the course of the day. Stopping, thinking and remembering that by the grace of God we are clean is a basic. Often, when we get home, write out a resentment, explaining how we feel and how we became angry, and the part we played. We find out how to restrain ourselves later so we don't repeat that action.

We do, however, remember that God, not us, is responsible for our change.  The line between where God does or does not help us is absolutely irrelevant. All glory to God as we understand Him is our attitude here. We find when we have practiced this, we benefit; for pride can creep in and we addicts cannot handle success very well. We usually fall into the mode of the hero, and when this happens, our self-centeredness eats us alive and we can die.

In Step Ten we strive for genuine humility. In this humility we can better interact with others. We are not readily angered, frightened, or maddened by greed or lust. We remember our part in the divine partnership with God and we are more tolerant and patient with other people.  Step Ten is worked while the day's ups and downs are fresh in our heads. We list wrongs we have done. We do not rationalize our actions. We honestly chalk up our achievements. Thus, we get our own house in order. We feel more room to grow. The mess is cleaned up. We know ourselves better and there is strength.

A warning about rationalization is that it has killed more of us than anything else. At times, our motives will be obscured by clouded thinking.  We can pray for humility and use it as a light to examine our real motives.  Did we act out of negative emotion? If so, then we can work the program on it.

If we want to share it at once with another person, we do. Others can help us see our clouded thinking for what it is. Love and pain will keep us in the middle of the road. We have defects, but a willingness to live as our Higher Power would have us is freedom. In life we will be tested in patience and tolerance. We must keep spiritually fit to act in a spirit of love and helpfulness. When we are willing to grow toward these ends, wonderful things are ahead.

Continuing to take personal inventory means that we form a habit of looking at ourselves, our actions, our attitudes, and our relationships on a regular basis. We try to come up with honest evaluations and to put out more or less energy in certain areas we are concerned with.  It is very important to keep sharing with other people so that when we come up with a rationalization for negative behavior, we can be told about it. This highlights the preventative part of the Tenth Step. You ask yourself as you go through the day, "Am I being drawn in by some old pattern of fear or resentment?", "Am I too tired?", "Am I too hungry?", "Is my thinking getting cloudy?" It's a vaccination against insanity on a continuing basis.

We have discussed the preventative side of the Tenth Step. The love was there all the time, waiting for us to accept it. Though we still face human pain, life finally begins to get meaningful. Clean living is possible when we rely on a Higher Power daily to provide us with spiritual progress, establishing us in useful living.

( In the original form, there is no title for the 11th step....After proofing, it would presumabely have said "Step Eleven: We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.")

In the Third Step we made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to God as we understand Him. We renew this effort daily in the Eleventh Step. Most of us rebelled against this in the beginning, as if on a self-willed trip. The first time we hear someone say, "Let go and let God," it sound idiotic. "No," we said, "If I let go I'll disappear or get taken advantage of." What happens instead is, the more we improve our conscious contact with God through prayer and meditation, the more often we pause when doubtful and say, "God, I don't know what to do. Please teach me." It's a fact. When we finally get our own selfish motives out of the way, we begin to find a peace un-matchable to a drug-induced high. We begin to experience an awareness and an empathy with other people.  The Eleventh Step helps us, in the face of a problem, to be aware of God.  The underlying principle of this Step is God-consciousness. We try to avoid asking for specific things . It's hard because we're so sure that we know what's right for us. We now know if we pray to do God's will, we will receive what's best for us. A person who has realized their powerlessness and seen the vision the Higher Power has for them will see why we pray only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry it out. Our deepest longings and recurring images of the kind of people we'd like to be are only glimpses of God's will for us. Our outlooks are so limited we can only see our immediate wants and needs through a loving God. It is our own real dreams that come true.

When we pray a remarkable thing happens; we find the means, the ways, and energies, to perform tasks far beyond our capabilities. By the surrender of our own power, we gain a far greater power that will see us through. It is important keep faith and renew it through daily prayer.  It is easy to slip back into our old ways. We have to learn to maintain our new lives on a spiritually sound basis to insure our continued growth and recovery. God will not force his goodness on us, but we will receive it if we ask. This is not cruelty. Enforced morality lacks the force that comes from our own choice.

Many times, our efforts have produced in us feelings of peace and serenity that we have never known before. We know that in doing God's will, our lives will be fulfilled.

STEP TWELVE: Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we sought to carry the message to addicts and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.

The idea of a spiritual awakening takes many different forms in the many different personalities we find the Fellowship. This awakening does have some things in common throughout the Fellowship. Life takes on a new meaning, a new joy, and a quality of being and feeling worthwhile. We become spiritually refreshed and are glad to be alive. Our suffering has cleansed us of some of our illusions. In time we have been guided to a new life and place in the world and in our hearts. This great Step is to be proceeded by the working of Steps One through Eleven. There are those of us who tried to stay clean without the benefit of "having had a spiritual awakening as a result of those steps," and they are no longer with us. The ones, who continue to practice these principles in all their affairs," tell us that this is the most wonderful thing one can know. The journey is a feeling of gratitude.

Usually, by the time we achieve this state of mind, no one has to tell us to share our new life with the still suffering addict; we are more than eager to help that person because by this time we recognize that by helping others giving away that which has been given to usis our best possible insurance against relapse to the vague, torturous existence of a practicing addict. We call it "carrying the message" and we do it in a number of ways.

The first way in which we carry the message is by staying clean with the help of God and the Fellowship. Our new way of living speaks for itself better than our words ever could. People see us on the street and remember us as furtive, frightened loners. They notice the grayness and fear leaving our faces. They see us gradually come alive. A spring comes into our step and a twinkle into our eyes. The message is meaningless unless we live it. If we do live it, we give it more meaning with our lives than any words can express.

Learning the art of helping others when it is appropriate, without creating resentments, is a marvelous benefit of the N.A. program. Remarkably, the Twelve Steps guide us from a state of humiliation and despair to a state wherein we are able to act as instruments of God's will. We receive the gift of being able to help fellow suffering addicts when no one else can. No greater change of personality is possible; it is God's love present in our lives. We see it happening among us every day. This miraculous one hundred and eighty degree change is evidence of spiritual awakening.  We attend N.A. meetings and make ourselves visible and available to serve the Fellowship. We give freely and gratefully of our time, our services and our experiences to our fellow addicts. We do not shirk when called upon to practice these principles. We know that the more eagerly we wade in and work to stay clean, the higher we're going to get and the richer our spiritual awakening will be! Helping others works. We do these things because they are the things that grant the new lives we are enjoying.

In the Twelfth Step, we practice the spiritual principle of giving away the N.A. message of recovery in order to keep it. This is like reaping what we sow. The old habit of using drugs is replaced by the new habit of not using, and helping others to get clean. Even a member with one week in the N.A Fellowship can turn to a newcomer and say, "Live one Day At A Time", or "An Addict Alone Is In Bad Company."

When we share with someone, we may say, "Lord make me an instrument of Thy Will. " We don't do it alone, and we don't have to. It is just a matter of getting another N.A. member to go with us on the Twelve Step call to carry the message to a suffering addict. We don't set ourselves up as God. That is why it is spiritual. We get to be an instrument of God's grace in action. It's a privilege and an honor to go on such a call. Those of us who do service work are the luckiest people on God's earth! Those who have been in the pits of despair, now strive to help other people to find a new and better way to live.

We help newcomers, whether they are de-toxing or just beginning to learn the principles of N.A. We do what we can to make them aware of what the program offers and try to make them feel at home. Experience shows the best way to accomplish these ends is to listen carefully to what they want to do about their problem. Next we can share our experience, strength, and hope and then accompany them to their first meeting.

The selfless service that comes from this work is the very principle of Step Twelve. It is clearly an awareness of God's grace working that provides so much of what the practicing addict needs. Just as the grace of a loving God was given to us, we now have the opportunity to share this gift with others. One Twelve Step call of this nature can make a life worthwhile. There are plenty of such calls for those of us in N.A.  The Twelfth Step also suggests that we practice these principles in all of our affairs. As long as we stay clean and live these Principles, we are doing Twelfth Step work. We are attracting people to us and the N.A.  Fellowship by our example of being clean.

We no longer wish to participate in the problem. We now serve God. In this manner of service, we renew our vow to turn our will and lives over to the care of God. Even if we have no such understanding, we will acquire it through seeing others recover.  Fellow addicts show that God is loving and we will know a life free of drugs that we never dreamed possible. The Steps do not end here, they are a new beginning.

All will be well as long as we remain abstinent and trust in a Higher Power of our understanding. Living just for today relieves the burden of an the past and alleviates fear of the future. Clean, we learned to take whatever actions were necessary and to leave the results in our Higher Power's hands. We learned to trust God with our fate and to let Him help us do our best each day. The most important thing we can do is stay clean today, through reliance upon a Higher Power.

We want freedom. Clean, we see that the greatest freedom we can achieve is acceptance of God's will. But, we recognize that we are human and subject to mental and spiritual sickness. Each day, we ask our Higher Power to help us stay clean, for that day. Each night, we give thanks for the gift of recovery. Thus we begin to practice spirituality.  We are clean, but by no means perfect and our lives remain unmanageable. We become egotistical from time to time. It is hard for people in the Fellowship to reach us at these times, but not impossible. our newly found friends usually call our bluff, and cut through the dishonesties. When things get rough, and spiritual contact is difficult, we learn that it won't last. If we do not use, and continue to maintain spiritual contact within the Fellowship, we can get through these trying times, and grow stronger.

Trusting others doesn't come naturally to us, but we must learn to trust because an addict alone is in bad company. The needed strength wasn't there until we found N.A., which showed us how to make faith work for us. We had a lot of energy, but we channelled it into self-destruction. Now, we can put the same energy that we had used to perpetuate our pain into strengthening our faith and becoming healthier, more loving people. We first learn to love our N.A. groups. Later, through service, we learn how to put our energy to work, and the more we serve, the better we get at channelling energy.

Remember, we didn't become addicted in one day. We can't possibly solve all our problems at once, no matter how much energy we have. Take it easy! The only way we recover is to apply what we learn from each other, on a daily basis. Our growth is a lifetime process. We never stop learning, and we never stop needing one another's guidance and support. So, we say, "Keep coming back; it works!"

Addiction is physical, mental, and spiritual. Therefore, we believe that we must develop faith in a Higher Power before we can hope to recover from its destruction. When we have a strong faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and use that faith in our daily lives, that Power will be able to reach us and supply us with the strength and guidance that we need to recover.

The N.A. program is a spiritual program. Our members who are living a spiritual program have learned enough of their spirit to develop and maintain a conscious contact with a Higher Power. We become more spiritual as we share ourselves with our fellow addicts. We gradually change from being dull and uncaring to feeling clean, and unclouded by earthly concerns.  Most of us experience steady growth towards serenity and towards God, as we understand God. Some have profound spiritual experiences, dramatic and inspirational in nature.Regardless of which category we fit into, we all go through a profound change in our basic natures, which is much deeper than anything merely physical or mental. After a while it becomes obvious, even to outsiders, that a real and lasting change is taking place in us. The most obvious change is the simple fact that we are staying clean. When we rely on God to guide our thoughts, changes are inevitable in our feelings and actions.

As new members, the talk of God we hear in meetings scares many of us. We are suspicious and skeptical because of disappointments we have had with religion. We assume that someone will try to take away our freedom to believe as we choose.

That is not the case. Spiritual and religious freedom is one of our most basic principles. Each of us are free to work out our own concept of God, or reject the concept of a God. We each build our relationships with our Higher Power in our own way in our own time. Many of us come into N.A.  as atheists or agnostics. Some of us come in as religious fanatics. Nobody is here to correct or change one another. We operate in an atmosphere of complete acceptance and respect for one another's beliefs. We try to avoid the arrogance of self-righteousness, because it is one of the deadliest forms of self-deception. Even though we avoid pushing any ideas on anyone, we do suggest, strongly, that each person make an honest attempt to find a Power greater than themselves.

From our experience, we have found that addicts who stay clean, find and develop a relationship with a Higher Power. We are taught to "act as if " we believe in God, by applying spiritual principles and practices to our lives. Three "musts" are honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness to try.  Agnostics and atheists generally start out by just talking to "Whatever's there."

There is a spirit or an energy that can be felt in the meetings, and it is sometimes the newcomer's first perception of God. This spirit, or whatever it is, relaxes and helps us to get honest with each other. We let go of our egos and learn from our fellow addicts. Honest sharing speeds our recovery and makes us believe that this Power is taking care of us, and working for our good. We no longer blame God and others for our problems, and see that our problems have been of our own making. 

After we accept that we created our own hell and that there is a God that wants to help us, we begin to make progress in solving our problems.  Through open-minded effort, we "act our way into right thinking", letting our Higher Power find us, rather than searching for God with only our minds.  We come to rely on a growing daily relationship with a God of our understanding. One way to develop our conscious contact with God is to make up a "gratitude list", count our blessings and thank our Higher Power for them.  Another way is to practice accepting conditions as they are, and trusting that they will improve if they're supposed to. We do these exercises several times a day, until they become a routine part of our lives. In this way, we begin to face life on God's terms, and that gives us the necessary sense of peace for us to live clean successfully.

We must re-evaluate our old ideas, so that we can become acquainted with the new ideas that lead to a new way of life. We cannot throw out old ideas without replacing them. We believe that the old self-destruction and self-centeredness can only be replaced with spiritual principles. The three basic spiritual principles are honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness to try. We say that they are the "HOW" of our program.  Rigorous honesty is the most important tool we have in learning to deal with the past and to live today. Although honesty is a difficult tool to practice, it is a most rewarding one. We practice honesty under all conditions because it is the antidote to our diseased thinking. We lose the fear of being cornered. Our lack of fear and our new found faith serves as a firm foundation for courage in the future.

Being honest is not a natural thing for us to do. We don't expect to practice total honesty in all things overnight. It is a gradual process in our daily living.

The situations that seem hardest to maintain our honesty have produced the most rewarding results. When we are honest in really difficult situations, the feelings of happiness and serenity are overwhelming.  We have never before experienced gut-level honesty because we covered up our feelings by using. We must learn to get to the bottom of each emotion we have, and face it, so we can be our true natures.

Our lives become so much simpler, when we get to know ourselves.  "Cash register honesty", is a good beginning in developing self-esteem.  Self-esteem is based on facing and living by the truth. When we honestly evaluate what we really have, we can learn to appreciate it. The gifts of recovery are things that we can carry with us everywhere.  Managing our own lives got us to the program of Narcotics Anonymous. What we knew about living when we got here had almost killed us. We came in sick people who knew very little about how to be happy and enjoy life.  Complete open-mindedness is necessary for us to learn a new way of life.  Being open-minded allows us to hear something that might save our lives. It allows us to listen to opposing points of view, and come to conclusions of our own.

Open-mindedness leads us to those very insights that have eluded us during our lives. It is this principle, open-mindedness, that allows us to participate in a discussion without jumping to conclusions or predetermining who is right and who is wrong. We no longer have to make fools of ourselves by standing up for some nonexistent values. We have learned that it is O.K. to be ignorant, for when we are ignorant we are teachable and can learn how to live our new life successfully.  However, open-mindedness without willingness, will get us nowhere. We must be willing to go to any lengths to get our recovery. We never know when the time will come when we must put forth all the effort and strength we have to stay clean.

Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness to try, work hand in hand. The lack of one of these principles in our programs can kill us. Living a personal program without these principles, will make recovery difficult and painful for us when it should be beautifully simple.  Remember too that H.O.W. are spiritual principles which mean that they can be relied on to get us out of trouble that dishonesty, closed-mindedness and unwillingness got us into.

If it were not for this program, we would be dead. This program is a vital part of our everyday living. We go to any lengths to help this Fellowship and it helps us.

If you come to Narcotics Anonymous to use people to help you continue your habit, then we cannot help you. We cannot play dishonest games anymore. A closed mind is a barrier against any change. On the other hand, a spirit of open mindedness, coupled with an admission of powerlessness, seems to produce a positive change when asking for help. If you have a drug problem and are willing to try it our way, we will share with you how we stay clean.

In this Fellowship, the importance of togetherness is expressed by some sayings: "United we stand, divided we fall", and "I can't, we can!" These slogans tell us that if we don't stick together and help each other, then we will surely die. We have a deadly disease, that before coming to the program we did not know about. We were in the depths of despair, degradation and lost in a destructive chaos. We came in puking, sweating and shaking. Some of us stayed. Was it through our own merit? We think not! Our way got us here.  Recovery was done through the help of others, the tools they shared with us, and a Higher Power.

From the isolation of our addiction, we were thrust into a fellowship of people with a common bond: addiction, N.A. is like a lifeboat in a sea of isolation, unwillingness and chemicals. We share the good times and the bad, victories and failures, all without defeat as long as we don't pick up the first fix, pill, drink, or joint. We get all our faith, strength and hope from people sharing their recoveries.

We usually react angrily as recovering addicts if anyone tells us what to do. In N.A. meetings, we share what it was like in our practicing addiction, our suffering that brought us to the turning point and how we stay clean today. By telling our own story, someone else is bound to be suffering from a similar problem and our experience tells them how to deal with itwhat works for one, might work for another. Most addicts are able to accept this type of sharing, even from the very beginning. In time, we have a new source of strength that will guide us in our recoveries.  By sharing in regularly scheduled meetings and one-on-one with recovering addicts, we learn that part of our approval-seeking behavior helps to keep us clean. Meetings are an important part of recovery. Those who attend meetings regularly and work the steps stay clean. We need the approval of people around us. Attending meetings encourages us to stay clean and reminds us what it was like to be a newcomer and re-enforces how progressive the disease of addiction is. This force in the meetings isn't just the people there, but also something within the people. We return to these meetings, and use them like medicine in the form of unconditional love.

A meeting is like a fence around our clean time. It protects us during all of our recovery. At first, the members in the meetings helped us through our remorse and self-pity by accepting us just the way we were and showing us the necessary care and love to begin to live clean. By returning to meetings, we came to believe in a loving God as he expresses Himself in the group conscience, that continues to save us from our addiction and help us in our daily living.

Finally, throughout our lives, we surround ourselves with fellow members who continue to let us know we can count on them. One of the advantages of the N.A. program is that is places us in an intimate, regular contact with recovering addicts who can most understand and help us in our recovery.  Our experience is that those who begin sharing innermost feelings, emotions and thoughts with other recovering addicts, rather than giving a drug history, tend to make more rapid growth. When we tell our stories, whether one-on-one or in groups, we can get out of the superficial personalities we thought other people believed us to be. Only another addict can understand and accept us as we are. We recover through this process. The Steps guide and the meetings give us the opportunity to say and hear thoughts and feelings that would otherwise be held in.

On the outside world, a lot of the rules that apply will not work with our new life in the Fellowship. Expressing our need for help at the time of crisis seems like a logical thing to do, but we are sometimes illogical.  To us, at first, it feels like insanity to give another person knowledge of our pain. As we become more closely involved with others we will learn to share our pain and it will lessen. Part of the horror of addiction is being cut off from this human experience. Our fears and guilt kept us from receiving the benefits afforded to everyday people. Sharing enables us to return to the realm of human experience, increasing our capacity to feel the problems of another addict.

By sharing our experience of recovery with newcomers, both by sponsorship and at meetings, we help ourselves stay clean. We find ourselves being constantly reminded of things that help us want to stay clean. Being able to serve as an instrument of a loving God and participation in the recovery of others keeps a sense of wonder and gratitude in our lives. Giving comfort and encouragement to others encourages and comforts us. Today, we have people in our lives who stand by us when it's rough and help us do what we can do and not worry about what we can't. Getting out of ourselves gives us more perspective on life and makes it easier to live with reality. We no longer feel like we have to run from ourselves. This program has given us a sure way to explore ourselves, rooting out defects and learning to live.  If you want to change your liferisk sharing! It is by taking risks we have almost lost our lives, by asking for help in the same way, we can change.

If we find ourselves in a bad place or we sense a bad scene coming, we call someone or get to a meeting. We have learned to seek good counsel from qualified people before making difficult decisions. By reaching out and practicing the virtue of humility, and asking for help, we can get through even the toughest of times. I can't, we can! It is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of growth. In this way, we as recovering addicts find the strength we need when we need it most. It is a way of life for the addicts who want to learn to live clean and have discovered one another.  We share our mental and spiritual resources for the good of everyone.  Recovering addicts take great pleasure in helping other suffering addicts recover. Recovery as found in Narcotics Anonymous must come from within and no one can get clean for anyone else.

In the course of carrying the message, each of us comes to our own understanding and if we have difficulties we trust our groups and the Twelve Steps of the program to guide us. These things should be used to help others. The Steps guide us into our place in society. We begin by straightening out our internal disorder and obtaining release from the defects that prevent us from being all we should be. We emerge as individuals re-conceived with a new awareness and the ability to take our place in the world.

Our viewpoint changes from that of a loner to a participating member. We emphasize setting our own house in order and trying to do more than our part. We trust in our Higher Power to give us strength and to meet our needs. If we feel that we have more than our share of difficulty, we should share more with others and remember to be grateful for the good things we already have. If we're not grateful for the things we've got, we won't be grateful for the things we are yet to receive.

Responsibility is a key word here. There are certain situations that demand more than we have to give. We should avoid these or seek help if we find ourselves a