CHAPTER NINE

JUST FOR TODAY

Tell yourself-JUST FOR TODAY My thoughts will be on my recovery living and enjoying life without the use of drugs.

JUST FOR TODAY I will have faith in someone in N.A. who believes in me and wants to help me in my recovery.

JUST FOR TODAY I have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of

my ability.

JUST FOR TODAY Through N.A. I will try to get a better perspective on

my life.

JUST FOR TODAY I will be unafraid, my thoughts will be on my new associations people who are not using and who have found a new way of life, So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.

We knew our lives had become unmanageable, but some of us had a problem admitting the powerlessness over our addiction. When we came to our first meeting it was as though a big weight was lifted from our shoulders, guilt feelings rolled off and a feeling of peace came over us, as we realized that with our surrender to our Higher Power, would come the help we so desperately needed. We also felt the great feeling of warmth and love that came from the group. For the first time in many months, we were able to relax when we heard that we couldn't control our addictions.  The principles of surrender, admission of responsibilities, improving faith, and prayer and meditation, guide us into a way of life in which all our resources center in God, become available to us.

A great many addicts have a hard time with acceptance in recovery. For so long, we have wanted and demanded that things go our way. When we came into the program of Narcotics Anonymous we were asked to learn to be patient and accepting. This is a critical point in our recovery. Not learning to accept is to continue to manage and control. We know from our past experiences that our way of doing things did not work. When we refuse to practice acceptance we are, in effect, denying our faith in a Higher Power. This can lead to many problems and failures.  Any addict clean, without the compulsion to use, is a miracle. We keep this miracle alive in ongoing recovery with positive attitudes and awareness involving personal growth. If after a period of time we find ourselves in trouble with our recovery, we have probably stopped doing one or more of the things which helped us in the earlier stages of recovery.

This lack of daily maintenance can show up in many ways. As our lives become more comfortable, many of us lapse into spiritual complacency, and we find ourselves in the same horror and loss of purpose from which we came. We forget we are given only a daily reprieve. We must ask for help each morning and remember to thank God at night. If we do not maintain our spiritual condition daily, some of us find the resulting pain and confusion lead to a return to drugs and our old way of life. Some have made it back from relapses ... many have not.

What are you going to do when you have to face your first crisis? When the time comes we hope you will be well a equipped with the tools and the principles of the program of Narcotics Anonymous. The enemy we have to fight is our own self- destructiveness. When we begin to work the program, we will like ourselves better. Much of the loneliness and fear will have been replaced by the love of the Fellowship and the security of being a part of a new way of life. It is important for us to remember to take it easy.  We have found through experience that you can not be too dumb for this program, but you can be too smart for it-too smart to allow it to work for you in your life. Surrender is brought about by suffering. Having been beaten by drugs we are powerless, not powerful. As powerless people, we should realize that we cannot stay clean on our own resources. Have we not tried before? We need to tap into the group's resources and surrender our way to their way.

As a result of working the Twelve Steps, regularly attending meetings, and practicing these principles in all our affairs, a spiritual awakening happens in our lives. God consciousness fills the empty place inside that nothing ever could before. We know a true peace. Circumstances which used to baffle us no longer do. We come to dwell in the fullness and abundance of life as a direct result of having worked the Steps and maintaining our spiritual condition. We find it necessary to continue to do so on a daily basis.

These are guidelines and suggestions. We have found they work for us. This is how we maintain our spiritual condition. We never have to be lonely again. Our Higher Power is accessible to us at all times. In the Fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous we have more friends than we ever believed possible. Finally, we are fulfilled and have come to know a real peace and a true sense of self-worth.

We have stressed that going to meetings, working the Twelve Steps, practicing these principles in all our affairs and remembering to ask God for help in the morning and to thank Him at night, only worked for one day. On those days that we don't continue our daily maintenance we don't have a good day. Sometimes, after a few days of neglecting spiritual maintenance things begin to really get out of hand in our lives. This is, hopefully, when our pain motivates us to renew our daily spiritual maintenance.  We need to be aware that although the spiritual life is the answer to all our problems, we live in today's world. If our spirituality cannot help us today, then we need to re-evaluate what we term spiritual. We need not immobilize ourselves with constant concern over our spiritual pride in this manner and it keeps us humble. We believe that if it's not practical, it's not spiritual.

We believe, that as recovering addicts, we have a lot to be grateful for.  When things don't work for us, it is a direct result of our own self will. Our new found way of life may have its problems. When we ask for help, the road ahead won't be so rocky. Sometimes, after turning over our will and life to our Higher Power, we choose to take it back and begin managing our lives again. The principle of surrender is admission of responsibility when we are at fault, and practicing faith.

Even though, by the grace of God, we have been given an answer to our problems, we often take things back into our hands. Again and again, we must ask God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. How many times had we looked at a job well done, and said, "See what a good job I've done?"...forgetting where the ability really came from.

We begin to see how only our Higher Power can restore us to sanity when the obsession to use surfaces and self-will runs riot. We gradually turn our will and life over to the care of God as we understand Him. We no longer feel alone; we have found a partner in our Higher Power, who is with us all the time. We cease trying to control, and surrender. Gradually, as we become more and more God centered than self centered, our despair turns to hope. Self-pity and resentments are replaced by tolerance and faith.  If our surrender to our disease is complete, the rest of our recovery is dependent upon our belief in a loving God of our own understanding.  Remember, as recovering addicts, our fellow members love us and will not fail to respond to our sincere desire for help. We believe God works the same way.

We find that we receive guidance when we ask for knowledge of God's will for us. This is the emotional stability we so badly need. We are given the freedom, serenity, and happiness we had so desperately sought. Before going to sleep, we take a few moments out of our routine to thank God for keeping us clean that day and for helping us with our living problems.  With our Higher Power guiding us, we may never again have to deal with using, but we will always have to deal with staying clean.  A lot happens in one day, both negative and positive, and if we don't take the time to appreciate both, chances are we will miss something that will help us grow. As we begin to live in the present, burdens of the past and the anxieties of the future slip away. We are granted the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, and thus lose our quickness to anger and sensitivity to criticism.

Normal living is possible. The Twelve Steps of Narcotics Anonymous are a progressive recovery process established in our normal living. our recovery is dependent on our belief in a loving God who cares for us, and will do for us whatever we found impossible to do ourselves.  Resentments are one of the biggest road blocks to recovery. They deaden our spiritual growth. Resentments are a direct result of our self will acting out its most extreme natureviolence. We must let go, with love, and ask God to relieve us of the burden of self will. Anger and fear will fall by the wayside.

Change involves the unknown, the great source of fear. The same Power that has helped us deal with our obsession will be the guide and source of courage when we ask for it. The wisdom to know the difference involves growth in the program. Regular attendance at meetings is our best barometer in this respect.

The Fellowship, after a meeting, is a good opportunity to share things we didn't get to discuss at the meeting. It is also a good time to talk one-on-one with our sponsors. When we talk about our questions and answers, many parts of the message surface for the first time and become clearer to us. These initial ventures into the realm of sharing freely are the beginnings of honesty, open mindedness, and willingness as a way of life.  These principles for living will guide us in recovery when we learn how to use them. We succeed in life each time we practice them. We no longer need to make excuses for who we are. New ideas are available to us.  Honesty, the search for the truth, is our most difficult and yet most challenging objective. We may not be able to maintain rigorous honesty, but we must always strive for it. Honesty must start at home. If we are not first honest with ourselves, we can't be honest with others. The best way to practice honesty is by taking a daily inventory.  Our life is a diary wherein we mean to write one story and quite often write another. It is when we compare the two that we have our most humble hour.

It is important while doing our daily inventory that we remember to look at our assets as well as our defects. So often, we get so caught up in striving for growth and eliminating our defects that we forget about our assets. We have found when we focus on our assets our defects will also change. Our inventory allows us to realize our daily growth.  Rigorously practicing the few simple guidelines for living in this chapter, we succeed daily. Although daily inventory may have a fair share of red ink, these guidelines, when practiced, give us sufficient black ink to balance the day's ledger.

JUST FOR TODAY, WE WILL LIVE!!